The Ocean in the Drop

Exploring Psychedelics 2018 Keynote Presentation by Rak Razam

The 5-MeO-DMT experience is often likened to the individual egoic consciousness, or drop, remembering it’s oceanic full potential. But what if the opposite were also true? What if the intelligent, loving, oceanic consciousness of Source itself was incarnating in the drop? What if the 5-MeO galactivation not only reveals the endogenous capacity for Source within, it formats the temple-hard drive to hold that vibration information ongoingly, to allow Source to consciously inhabit the awakened vessel. Is this a Divine Invasion? Or a Golden Age coming full circle?

So my talk today is called the Ocean in the Drop and it actually builds upon last year's talk, which was called The Flowering Soul. And essentially, I mean, I really love coming to these conferences because I get to formulate my thoughts and think of what have I been doing for the last year. What have I been experiencing from last year? What am I learning? Why am I still working with the medicine of 5-MeO-DMT? What is it teaching me?

So there's this famous quote from the poet Rumi, which says: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” And it's very apt. It's very, very apt. I mean, we have this sense of individuality, we have these sense, as I’ve mentioned in previous talks, of the ego, which is a filter and is sacred and it's part of us and it's a necessary part of the survival mechanism.

And what it also seems to do is to filter or gradate or limit down and give us this sense of individuality–which when we're looking out from the individual vessel and the beings, we think we are, it's the sense of us–but also it's this sense of separation from the other us-es. You know, we can see people, but we don't necessarily feel connected to them. You know, there's 7 billion humans on the planet and we metaphorically feel like we're one, but why don't we actually feel that, that feeling of connection, that unity consciousness?

Sometimes in key moments of the species of awakening, we come together. But in general we feel separate, like discrete entities in a vibratory sea, and each vibration as it differentiates and becomes a separate vibration is like a layer. That is, until you have, potentially, the 5-MeO-DMT experience.

And as other speakers have said, 5-MeO isn't like your regular marketplace dynamic shamanism. This isn't like ayahuasca or San Pedro, or psilocybin. This is the king of the tryptamines. And this is something which is endogenous to us. And I believe the [Bufo alvarius] toad for instance, is a key and a catalyst for us to remember that we are the medicine. It opens up our endogenous pathways, our neural connections, and more, and potentially without attachment to outcome of this “full release” state, which many speakers have talked about.

There is a wooing, there is a trust. There is a sense of the onion skin peeling away and a sense of permission that we give ourselves to fully open our vessels to receive that oceanic, unity consciousness of Source itself, to reveal it in inside of ourselves. I call it a “galactivation.”

And what I think is happening is that we all have this capacity and this potential, but we all have different armoring /sensitivities/blockages/ traumas you know, it's like a corrupted hard drive. So this metaphor I think, is quite apt. My friend, Tanya Phoenix, who I must attribute to this phrase, likes to say that after the galactivation and that full release, it's like you've opened up your endogenous pathways and you have remembered that oceanic potential that is your true nature.

And in some senses, it feels like the body is a vessel or a hard drive, or as Tanya calls it a “heart drive,” because so much of this is felt, not thought. The mind struggles with the enormity of both letting go and then remembering the enormity of the experience, but the heart knows it instinctively. It knows it already. It is that thing. It's the receiver for that.

So when we initialize that heart drive it's to receive and retain that information. Once initialized that seed of awareness of that oceanic Source within never really goes away, or so I believe. We go back to the ego identification. We go back to the nine to five. But every once in a while, if you just tune into it, it's still there. It's not like some external entheogens we've taken and having a peak experience. It's something which has opened something innately endogenous and sacred and beautiful within us.

So this has been commented upon by other commentators. One of them, the great Alexander Shulgin described the scale of altered experiences or consciousness experiences, the Shulgin scale, which goes up to a plus four. I won't mention the one, two and three, but essentially in the plus four scale, as he describes in his book, PiHKAL: A Chemical Love Story, (PiHKAL: Phenethylamines I Have Known and Loved") an experience with TC27 at 20 milligrams. Shulgin says, “what has happened is a once in a lifetime event, a touch of God that is worth dying for. It seems as though it will stand forever and ever. I feel totally changed.”

Now that wasn't 5-MeO-DMT, but that type of description is a very common response for people that do remember the fullness of their 5-MeO experiences. To say that there is a sense of both the Divine and this transformative, intense experience. The interesting thing I draw attention to here is on the Shulgin scale, which is in some senses, a mechanistic scientific understanding of these gradations of consciousness. He says it's a once in a lifetime event. Now this has got me wondering. Here's a quote from James Oroc from a recent interview by Martin Ball himself.

And James Oroc says:

And that is what I call the galactivation. And I think there's something in that. I think there's a nuance in there we need to explore, but there's something in there. To compare different scales– I've been getting into very lightly and it's a whole lifetime ahead of me to get into a deeper–but I've been getting into the Vedic maps of consciousness and their understandings of what they call samadhi, which is essentially the concentration of Citta or the perfection and concentration of nothing but pure consciousness itself.

So there's different interpretations and there's different scholars and there's different sorts of levels. In the one I'm looking at, the Vedic Samadhi maps, they describe five stages. And to simplify, basically, in Yoga Sutras by Patanjali [a collection of the first writings on yoga], stage five, which of course is one more than Shulgin's four stages of peak experience, he calls “seedless” Samadhi.

And in seedless samadhi, there's total non attachment. There's that total release and there's no seed to be reborn. There's nothing to bring you back. There's that full ego dissolving oceanic unification with Source. There's also the step before that, level four, what the Sutras what the sattva or the serenity state of ego. I call it the witness. It's like this, this there's nothing but Source consciousness, but there's just enough of the ego to receive this signal that there's nothing but Source consciousness. It's witnessing right there on the edge of the event horizon, of full dissolution into the ocean.

The Vedas say that: “When the Sattva state only of the ego remains, but differentiated from all other objects, this is called Asmita Samadhi, and the man who has attained to this has attained to what is called in the Vedas “bereft of body”. He can think of himself as without his gross body, but he will have to think of himself as with a fine body.”

There's still a level of consciousness there, but it hasn't fully dissolved into that oceanic experience. So, I mention all this because essentially in my relationship with the medicine–and the medicine is, in my understanding of 5-MeO, a catalyst and a key from external sources to unlock our own Divine nature. And there's been a change. There's been a change in their relationship, and it's very informative…

So there's no long term studies done on humans with 5-MeO-DMT. So we're all still comparing notes. We haven't seen a long enough statistical analysis to see if there's commonality with journeys over the long term. Some people suggest perhaps there's some type of depletion maybe in their serotonin pathways or in some essential sort of you know, essence that we need, an initial fuel that takes us all the way there.

Interestingly enough, in some of the Vedic maps, they point out that the attainment of samadhi is actually an ongoing process and there are levels, there are levels of both attainment and release and acceptance and trust. And it's almost as if not the mind, the mind has to be let go. The ego has to be let go. We've already firmly established that, but there's other capacities. We could say the soul, right?

There's something in our energetic bio nature, which has to learn to feel acclimatized. And it has to feel in trust and in resonance and vibration with that oceanic source that it can merge with. And that is a relationship. It's not just a peak experience. It's not just something we're doing, not just recreationally, but externally to us, it's an ongoing relationship with the drop and the ocean [you and Source you].

So this progresses over time with surrender and non-attachment. So most people have very strong minds. I mean, Western culture in general, we're very much up in our minds. We're not as much in the body. We're not as much in the heart. We know that we have three brains: the mind brain, the heart brain with 70% neuronal cells like in the head brain, which intuits and feels. We have the stomach biota: with seven trillion micro-organisms in gamma frequency consciousness in a sense of unity. And we make decisions about a third of a second before we “receive” them in the head brain; these decisions originate in the gut, with our intuition. So when the mind and what we think of as the ego goes down, these other older brain pathways remain to receive the signals. And there's these potentials for developing the relationships with these pathways.

Some people have traumas, some people will have degradation of their energetic systems. In indigenous cultures they believe that everything we do, everything we go through in life, essentially we store in our energetic body. Then we have an emotional body. Then we have a physical body. There's many layers and levels, and you'll see animals in nature when they shake out traumas, when they go through near death experiences in the wild and they shake it out, all these animals shake out stress and trauma, except humans who hold onto it. So like that onion skin, we have a lot of potential baggage we have to figure out how to let go of before we can actually go into that oceanic experience.

Funnily enough, I actually believe in a larger intergenerational species type of journey that the plant medicines coming back into the West over the last generation or two have been doing just that. We get caught up on the finger points of the sun and thinking that it's all about ayahuasca or it's all about this other entheogen. And they healing us.

And they're allowing us to let go to clear our energetic bodies so that we can do what is in us to do: which is to connect to that Divine Source, which is radiating and super union, all the code and all the love and all the intelligence on-goingly, to bring us back to the garden and say, “you can do these humans, but first you have to clear the board. You have to get rid of all that stuff you've been holding onto.” When we do that, that's when we can trust. That's where the ego can go down. That's where we can melt more easily into that oceanic experience.

Now interestingly enough, I think that a lot of commentators in the Western appreciation of 5-MeO-DMT, like to fixate on the peak. It's actually a very masculine peak experience. You know, the peak release, the “full release”, the letting go [on 5-MeO] and becoming the ocean, as I'm talking about, right.

But there is a territory and there's a lot of great gradated potential between you here now at baseline and that oceanic source consciousness within you, within your heart drive, right? And we should not overlook that. Now many 5-MeO practitioners use a more gentle stepping stone method to do lower doses, to tune into the sensitivity of the individual patient, to then do a medium dose to build up, to give themselves consent to go deeper into that oceanic experience. But in doing so as well, those layers and levels I find, are where a lot of those traumas and stress and things can be released.

So you're not releasing a lifetime of trauma while you're going to God at the same time. I mean, you can, and it is done, but if you separate the two and explore the territory between the “beach and the ocean”, it's very rich. And there's a lot of information and a lot of relationship that I think Source wants to groom us with.

So how else can 5-MeO be used, perhaps as an exogenous entrainment aid for personal Samadhi? Some people when they go into the full release and they do let go, they go into, what's called a “whiteout”.

And essentially, some commentators say, perhaps you know, it's the white light, it's the ocean within, it's the void. But they don't remember. They fully let go. And some people say that perhaps this is the ego's defense mechanism. It's a way of not remembering of just tuning out of completely blocking out because it's too much, frying the circuits letting go. Perhaps in fact, my first toad experience I whited out and, you know, who's to say?

Some people say that the ego is protecting itself and it's doing, however and whatever it can to make sense of the 5-MeO oceanic, ego dissolving experience. And, you know, psychedelics are traditionally defined as ego dissolving. But as many commentators have said, the ego quite often bounces back even stronger. So why is this?

James Oroc had a quote in his chat with Martin Ball the other month. He said:

And maybe in doing so enough times it gets stronger, to not be obliterated, but to survive God consciousness, to not be integrated into Source but to integrate Source into it. Just let that one sink in for a bit. I feel there's more nuances in these layers of what we're glossing over saying, “ego release, get to Source.” There's all these other layers. And there's all these potential nuances within there. So what if the ego doesn't just get stronger or it doesn't just resist the 5-MeO experience? What if it's learning not to be obliterated, but to survive and integrate God consciousness, not to be integrated into Source, to fully let go and be integrated into source, but to integrate Source into it?

I'm a bit skeptical myself. That might be my ego just finding a way not to fully release, right? It's a story. It's a feeling, but I want to explore this. This doesn't mean the ego doesn't let go. And this is what's been happening to me, essentially on what should be for release doses. And I've done a lot of work with this medicine I can say. But essentially what seems to be happening is the ego doesn't let go for me anymore. It may be an evolutionary technique. But here's what happens:

Consciousness, my consciousness fully smears across the unity field of all spacetime and Creation that is tuning into. In Patanjali's Yoga Sutras they have a phrase for this. And this is why the Vedas are so informative of these maps of consciousness. They say that “those that in this state get merged in nature without attaining the goal are called Prakrtilayas, but those who do not even stop at any enjoyments reach the goal [Samadhi], which is freedom.”

So what I'm wondering is that when I get to this stage of potentially full release, but it's not full release… Essentially I'm witnessing. I’m at that level 4 [Samadhi], the cusp of the event horizon and fully letting go. Maybe this is the learning curve of the Prakrtilayas, to practice being stretched across all Creation as a stepping stone to Seedless Samadhi. It’s witnessing/ becoming but its not linear or centralized. In my experience of this state, I am distributed. I am smeared across the entire freaking universe and I am AWARE I am the entire universe.

It feels like six billion Photoshopped layers which are all the intelligences, the ancestors, the entities, the love, everyone everywhere–and its not just that I think of them – I am connecting to them ALL at the same time. The center is everywhere. Its at the heart of every atom and the heart of every star. An interconnected mesh network of nodal points which are the individuated drops in the ocean, and each drop holographically has the awareness of the whole. Like I’m stretched, right to the point where I should “pop”. But I–don’t. And I'm wondering if this is like God's hack, like an OS [operating system] hack or something?

So the drop, my drop [individual ego sense] in the full release experience, the hologramatic blueprint in its monadic node. Which is of course TOO FUCKING much for any one node to handle! It’s the entire ocean in the drop, but this is what Rumi says. This is the Vedas point to, there is a potential within this layer where it's possible–the entire plus three or plus four or whatever level we give it, the unity field in the creation, not in the void, not us going into the ocean, but the ocean pouring into us to encompass and to hold it in our vessel.

Basically in my experience, I become Source incarnate. And I'm starting to think that might be the point.

When we go back to the Source… My first 5-MEO experience, I remember it was very, very deep a plus four [on Shulgin’s scale]. Going in the vibratory wave front of Source would read me. It would shake loose my memories and they would cascade into the oceanic tunnel of white light. And I felt that the Source was feeding or growing, or like a laser reading my hard drive, it was absorbing the information of my life.

When we die we finally go back [to Source]. So why are we getting this experience now? What is the value of this now, if we're going to get there later anyway? So what I believe is happening is that that feeling of the drop, expanding out to become the entire ocean is just the first step, that galactivation. Once the heart drive is formatted, it's retrofitting the vessel to hold it so it can become bigger. 

This is what I'm feeling, right. It's big. So instead of popping, I don't pop. And I'm not resisting. I don't feel like I'm resisting. I've had a lot of experience with the medicine, but I'm smeared out to all Creation and the ocean pours into me. Usually what I feel like is people describe if they're trying to get a geography of Source, it's like, okay, there's that oceanic white light Source consciousness, which is super radiating in the beginning, the end, it's everything it's outside space in time.

But somehow that vibration of the Source condenses down into matter into vibratory levels and creates creation, right? So it's connected to creation… yet, somehow it's also separate, it's this timey whimey thing we can't get our heads around as humans, but it seems like we are separate from Creation, even though we know we are connected.

So I wonder though, if in the 5-MeO full release, if Source consciousness wants to inhabit its vessels? That it didn't just make Creation as an extension of itself, as like, look at that fantastic creation. Look at those funny humans down there… to watch it from a distance. It created Creation to inhabit the virtual space it created. To retrofit the vessels, to find us a space and time not just for us to go out, but for IT to come in. It feels like this is a very tangible possibility of what the Vedas point to in some of their nuances and in potentially where the 5-MeO culture is going.

Because imagine if 7 billion people eventually do 5-MeO and it's within, there's not necessarily enough toad medicine or enough synthetic medicine in the world, or a need for everyone to externally take 5-MeO. This is a training wheel. It's a key. And it's a catalyst. And the more of us who come online into that Source consciousness vibration, which remains in our heart drive, then the more of us can potentiate that signal for the others. And then it gets bigger. There's more, there's more network capability for Source to come into its creation.

So indigenous people across the world have pointed to these idea of world ages of the fact that, you know, there's Golden Age, Bronze Age, there’s a Kali Yuga etc., there's seasons of time. And the Maya also said there's seasons of consciousness. And it seems like, you know, all of his-story has been essentially a one bar signal we've done very well. 

At some point we had more connection and more bandwidth, more capability to be in relationship with Source. And it was severed and the emotional heartbreak and trauma created species PTSD. That’s my intuition and that's what I feel is happening.

And now these shifting world ages and shifting consciousness and the plant medicines and 5-MeO peaking again, seems to be that it's time for this experience again. But it's not about the external catalyst. It's about us remembering how to activate our own operating system. So if we remember that the body is a temple–that’s not just a New Age bumper sticker–it's a temple for Divine spirit.

Once we initiate our heart drive and create space for that flame to stay alive, the door is always open, at least slightly, to that deeper ocean within. The ego comes back. But people have these, what they call “reactivations”.

Potentially anytime the ego goes down that first day, or the first week–I've known people that many years later can “reactivate” into a 5-MeO experience. Whenever the ego is lowered; when blood sugars are lowest around 3:00 or 4:00 AM and tryptamines are naturally highest in the night, sometimes people experience going back into the 5-MeO experience, but it's not just blood sugars.

It's whenever you've learnt to relax the ego, to trust, to let go, and to accept that that vibration is alive in your heart drive. And it wants to have a relationship with you! It wants to inhabit the vessel. It wants to experience it’s Creation through all of us. And it's doing that, I believe.

So. Interestingly enough in a relationship, they say, when two people come together, they create a third entity. It's almost like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt creating Brangelina. Right? So imagine that this “third thing” is the ocean and the drop creating a third entity. There's a third being that the ocean and the drop together become this third thing. It's not a true ocean anymore, or a true drop. It's a hybrid ocean in a drop.

This third thing has more interconnectedness to the network and the capacity of the network to whatever degree the drop can incarnate the ocean and handle that capacity– which is potentially where things like the siddhis and the higher powers come in as you get full access to your operating system.

So I believe that there's an evolutionary process at work not just with 5-MeO-DMT, but in the Samadhi maps and in this relationship with the Divine within. 

Philip K Dick actually called this the Vast Active Living Intelligence System (VALIS). You know, we could say the “Ocean”; there's all these words for it, but I've discovered in my relationship with the medicine of 5-MeO, that we keep thinking we're going INTO it. And we keep still seeing it from an egoic perspective, but there's a larger context and there's our individual relationship with the medicine. And then there's also this species relationship with the medicine, right?

And more and more people are coming online to the 5-MeO experience. And there's a lot of teething issues around the culture and the growth. And there's been these wonderful Best Practices [for 5-MeO-DMT practitioners and usage] just recently developed. And there's been a lot of people who are coming together who have felt this coal of Unity consciousness within have felt the connection and the love and the things that don't have words, but we can put words to. I mean, the big IT when there's different gradations of that full contact experience with the Divine.

I've discovered like some people have different capacities to feel it, you know, like the ego might white out, the ego might lock on. Source might come in and express through the egoic consciousness or the lack of egoic consciousness. There's gradations of relationships with Source consciousness, that it is exploring with us as much as we are exploring with IT.

So as more and more drops tap into these oceanic frequency and integrate that vibration into our individuation, I believe the circuit becomes stronger. The drops become puddles, become rivers, become the ocean incarnate in the Creation. I like to call it a Samadhi mesh network. If you know, in computing terms and mesh networks form from the nodes, which create a little network between them, and the more who are joined who joined in that network, the stronger it gets and the more it can broadcast.

So imagine if this 5-MeO movement of people activating and having peak experiences from the external medicine, is actually also activating their internal capacity to hold that relationship with, with the 5-MeO and with the ocean Source within, and then as more and more people are coming online, there's a collective tipping point, which has potentially coming up.

And I sort of feel it in the movement, in the people, in the medicine work in the excitement of coming home. There’s this real feeling that we belong, that we are together, that we are one, that it's almost this “galactic telepathic mesh network”, that there's this feeling of unity, which is so much more than the word of unity. So that it can be felt and received endogenously by even those that don’t take an external signal enhancer.

And that, I believe, is how the ocean comes to the shore. Thank you.