What does it really mean to experience God? Not in theory, or in prayer, or through dogma, but in raw, unfiltered direct communion. That was the central thread of the WBAC 2019 panel in Mexico City titled "The God Experience," which I had the honour of moderating.
This wasn't your average talk about theology or spirituality. It was a profound exploration into the transformative effects of 5-MeO-DMT, or 'the toad medicine', and how it catalyzes ego dissolution, mystical awakening, and spiritual integration. The potential of this substance to reshape our understanding of the divine is truly awe-inspiring.
What unfolded was a rich, thought-provoking, and sometimes challenging conversation with a panel of wisdom keepers, each offering their personal experiences and spiritual insights. We delved into the nature of divinity, the dangers of premature enlightenment, the role of integration, and the crucial importance of humility in the presence of the sacred. This emphasis on humility fosters a sense of respect and reverence for the divine.
My Own Encounter with God
To kick off the panel, I shared my personal journey into what some call divine remembrance. Coming from a Christian background, religion always felt more like myth than reality to me. It was only when I encountered 5-MeO-DMT that I truly felt the presence of the divine. This personal experience underscores the unique and individual nature of each spiritual journey.
I never really believed in God... Until 5-MeO-DMT. And then it was not just ineffable, but inescapable. It was everywhere. And I was everywhere being it, and it was being me
This wasn't just a moment of revelation; it was a turning point in my life, a cornerstone for my personal awakening and a new way of understanding the entire psychedelic landscape. It opened a question we all need to sit with: what happens when the ineffable is no longer hypothetical, but embodied?
And more than that, it reframed my entire understanding of consciousness. The toad wasn't just a powerful psychedelic; it was a door into a cosmic remembering. I wasn't discovering something new; I was awakening to what had always been. That realisation is what sparked this panel. To ask the question publicly: What is the God experience, really? And how do we live with it once we've seen it?
Accepting Darkness to See the Light
The first panellist to respond, Pit (known affectionately as Preacher), brought a critical insight: that true awakening involves more than just chasing the light. It requires facing the dark. Drawing from both mythic metaphor and the biology of the toad itself, Pete laid out a spiritual roadmap that included the shadows.
You need to accept the darkness to accept your light. The universe is very wise. The light lives in the darkness.
Pete pointed out that the toad lives nine months in darkness and only three in light. He reminded us that many people expect only bliss or illumination from the medicine, but they miss the point. The shadow is not something to be avoided. It is a teacher. If we skip over it, we risk missing the full initiation. The light is not a static place we arrive at; it's a dynamic space that must be earned through courageous self-inquiry.
Pete's reminder was essential: there is no light without shadow, no God without the willingness to confront the parts of ourselves we fear most. And it's in that confrontation, often raw, uncomfortable, and messy, that the real healing happens. Pete also suggested that the more light we access, the more of our shadow we become aware of. The divine, he implied, doesn't remove our darkness; it illuminates it. This is how proper balance is cultivated in the soul.
This is why psychedelic experiences, particularly with the toad, must be framed not as escapes, but as initiations. Pete reminded us that the darkness is not a detour; it's part of the path. And to walk that path fully, we must embrace every aspect of who we are.
You Are Part of the Divine
Yannina Thomassin, another panellist with years of experience holding ceremony, brought the conversation inward. Her message was one of profound simplicity, a call to remember what we already are.
There is no God outside. It is more like understanding that you are part of this God. You are part of this beautiful creation.
Rather than positioning God as a distant being or experience, Yannina reframed divinity as something that is innate and ever-present. In a world that constantly pulls us outward, toward achievement, validation, or transcendence, Yannina invites us to come home. The sacred is not waiting somewhere else; it's waiting in us.
Her perspective resonated deeply with those who've felt the allure of spiritual materialism, the temptation to climb the ladder of awakening like it's some sort of achievement. Spiritual materialism is the belief that spiritual growth can be measured and compared, often leading to a competitive and ego-driven approach to spirituality. But Yannina's wisdom cut through that illusion. Awakening, she suggested, isn't about gaining something new. It's about shedding the layers that obscure what we already are.
In practical terms, this changes how we engage with the medicine. Instead of seeking a breakthrough or chasing visions, we might enter ceremony with the intention to remember. To re-establish intimacy with a divine presence that never left. Nina's words remind us that the kingdom of heaven is not in the sky; it's in our hearts, waiting to be felt.
This phrase, often attributed to Jesus, suggests that the divine is not a distant or external entity, but a part of our inner being, accessible through introspection and spiritual practice.
Embracing humility in the Presence of the Divine
Next up, Draupadi, a mystic from Avalon, offered a crucial challenge to the growing wave of spiritual bravado seen in psychedelic circles. He took issue with the phrase "I am God," not because it's inherently false, but because of how easily the ego co-opts it.
If our ego comes back from the medicine and believes 'I am God,' we're in trouble. That's how we fucked everything up in the first place.
Draupadi's cautionary tale cut deep. While psychedelics can dissolve our sense of separation, that insight alone doesn't guarantee transformation. When the ego hijacks the God experience, it turns gold into fool's gold. Draupadi called out the risk of spiritual entitlement, the idea that a moment of unity justifies domination, ownership, or evangelism.
Her words were a stark reminder that humility is not optional on the spiritual path; it's essential. She described how claiming Godhood without embodying compassion leads to the same destructive behaviours that have plagued human history: colonialism, exploitation, and ecological devastation.
In her view, real awakening is humble. It recognises the divine in everything, not just the self. It asks not what you can take from the sacred, but what you can offer in return. She reminded us that reverence must follow revelation. The peak is not the point; the point is how you live after you come down.
He encouraged us to become stewards of the sacred. To treat every tree, every animal, every fellow human as an expression of the divine. Because if everything is God, then nothing is beneath love.
The Surrender Muscle
Joel, a yogi and facilitator blending ancient techniques with modern entheogenic work, brought in a powerful concept: surrender as a trainable skill. His metaphor of the "surrender muscle" opened a doorway for practical spirituality.
The toad is here to help us remember... It teaches us how to surrender. And then that muscle can be used in our daily life
Joel emphasized that this isn't just about the ceremony. It's about how we live afterwards. Learning to surrender to the present moment, to let go of control, and to allow life to unfold as it is, these are the true markers of spiritual maturity. And it's not easy. Like any muscle, surrender requires repetition, attention, and care.
Joel's insight was a bridge between mystical states and grounded practice. He explained how cultivating presence during breathwork or meditation can become the training ground for deeper spiritual surrender. It's in those everyday moments, when we choose patience over frustration, compassion over judgment, that the muscle strengthens.
His approach also answered an unspoken question many have after a profound psychedelic journey: "What now?" The answer, according to Joel, is to keep practicing surrender. Keep showing up. Let the divine reveal itself not just in the peak, but in the mundane.
The takeaway was clear: The toad may show you God. But your life is where you become God, through presence, humility, and love.
The Danger of Premature Revelation
At this point, I felt compelled to ask the question that had been hovering beneath the surface: Are we ready for this level of awakening? Are we throwing open the gates too wide, too fast?
Are we fast-tracking our relationship with God? Is there a danger in serving toad too soon, too much?
The responses were divided and rich.
Joel offered a more cautious view:
Glimpsing the truth before you're ready has fabled tales of destruction. We've seen the mental instability that has followed some people
The heart of the matter is discernment. How do we balance openness with responsibility? How do we invite others into sacred space without pushing them into waters they aren't prepared to swim? These are questions our psychedelic culture must face if we are to evolve with integrity. The toad doesn't just open doors; it demands preparation, humility, and a clear-eyed commitment to integration.
Nina's view prioritised freedom. She trusted the medicine to meet people where they're at, and the people to find their way. Joel, however, stressed the importance of screening and support. He advocated for practices such as preparation, breathwork, meditation, and trauma healing to create a safe container for the sacred.
The discussion revealed not a contradiction, but a polarity. A necessary tension between the sacred yes and the protective no. Between the wildness of spirit and the discipline of the path. And the answer, like the divine itself, lives in the balance between them.
Living the God Within
The God experience, as we explored in this rich, wide-ranging panel, is not a singular moment or peak event; it's a lifelong relationship. It's a doorway into sacred remembrance that, once opened, invites us into radical responsibility. Whether accessed through the toad, meditation, breathwork, or simply profound presence, the divine is not an abstract concept. It is an embodied truth.
Every speaker on the panel pointed toward the same mountain, even if from different trails. Pete reminded us that shadow and light are inseparable. Nina called us home to the God within. Joe cautioned us not to let the ego steal the sacred. Joel gave us tools to integrate and embody the divine in our daily lives.
The common thread? Humility. Preparation. Integration. Presence.
If the God experience is the fire, then these values are the hearth that holds it. Without a container, fire consumes. With one, it warms the world.
As I said in the panel:
You don't need the toad to find God. But if the toad finds you... maybe it's time to clean your house, flex that surrender muscle, and make space for the divine to come through.
We are not here to escape the human. We are here to divinise it. To become the bridge between heaven and earth, between spirit and flesh. The God experience is not a destination. It is an invitation.
And how we answer that invitation, moment by moment, is where the real ceremony begins.
Let's be beautiful out there.